This is just a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting, funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast of today's show. However, if you're looking for a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
I normally open Friday notes with some nonsense about chainsaws and drinking yourself stupid but today was a momentous day so I'm forgoing that for a week. It's basically Mötley Crüe Day as we premiered their new song "Dogs of War" and Angi got to interview her boyfrenn Nikki Sixx and that human potato Vince Neil. Again, I normally have a pre rendered little open (as you'll see below) for interviews and don't normally do an opening but when it's my biggest take away from the day, I have to be a bit extra here. Anyway, check out what was discussed below.
Mötley Crüe frontman Vince Neil and bassist Nikki Sixx jumped on a Zoom date with Angi last night to discuss their new single "Dogs of War." Here's some highlights of what was discussed:
- The new single is called "Dogs of War," out today.
- The creative process pulled the best out of them, there are three songs.
- They want to go a bit country. Well not really, they love to lie to girls.
- John 5 is incredibly talented.
- They didn't anticipate Mick Mars leaving, had to figure out what to do.
- Angi will be in their dressing room at Summerfest.
- They love festivals, the atmosphere is electric and fans add to it.
- They will be playing four songs off the new album during this summer tour.
- Nikki watched Three Body Problem, Vince watched Below Deck.
- Their choice for a rock and roll Mount Rushmore: Steven Tyler, Ozzy Osboure, Jimi Hendrix and Angus Young. Also, Hank Williams (reoccurring country song joke.)
- They definitely think Angi looks 50.
- Angi propositioned to be one of the Nasty Habits.
- They said she could be one if she turned in an audition tape.
- Discussion of their new video and usage of CGI.
- Talking about men's mental health.
Other Stuff from Today's Show
A Friday show also usually means pay day on some weeks but always the consideration that we're doing this for the rest of our lives and are definitely not being paid enough. I'm assuming the rampant "wait, you make how much?" followed by laughter is a good reason to go over a Buzzfeed list of jobs that make $150,000 a year or more that you wouldn't consider should.
- Air Traffic Controller: $237,000
- Ship Captain: $250,000 for 180 days of work (Just don't crash into a bridge)
- Psychotherapist: $165,000
- Dog Walker: $210,000 It should be noted that this dog walker has 7 part time employees they pay $25 an hour and charges their clients $50 an hour. With this whole army in tow, they will make $250,000 this year.
- Commercial HVAC Technician $200,000 and has no college debt plus a spot for his son in the union when he turns 18. He's generally the highest paid person in the room.
- Lineman: $200,000-$300,000
- Tire Shop Manager: $149,000 for an ex-felon with a GED.
- An Air Compressor Installation Business: $500,000 working 3 days a week.
- Construction Welding: $180,000
The takeaway here is to clearly stop wanting to be an influencer and go learn a trade.
Moving right along, here's a warning to all cat owners who might spend their time wondering if their cat has run away. Check your Amazon boxes before shipping them back to Amazon. In what could be the solution to that classic question of where do cats go, it seems that owner stupidity may be partially to blame. A couple had assumed that their cat was gone for good after it did a vanishing act for two weeks and they chalked it up as Mittens or whatever wanting to go be a feral monster. Turns out, they accidentally shipped the kitty to Amazon because it happened to like to hide in boxes and the one it ended up in had work boots that were set to be returned. The package was shipped off and no one seemed to notice it "meowing" for six days. A worker finally found the parched pussy(cat) and took care of it while also bringing it to a vet. It was scanned and the microchip was discovered leading us back to the couple who live in Utah (the cat ended up in California.) The woman in the relationship ended up driving all the way to pick it up. It was in this story that we learned that even though Angi loves her dogs, it would be over if one was accidentally sent to Cali. She would just tell the dog to go to the beach and live its best life.
Finally, now that we're in weekend mode, that means some of us might need something to watch. Angi dropped a twofer suggestion on us even though one is not out yet but you know, make plans. There is a new Bon Jovi documentary on Hulu called Thank You, Good Night and upon the initial viewing of it, Richie Sambora had an absolute fit. Three episodes in were enough for him to storm out of Jon's house when he realized he looks like an a-hole in the story and exclaimed that money doesn't mean anything when you end up looking like said a-hole. Angi added that Jon is also a pain in the ass so that makes for two peas in the same loser pod. Also coming soon and on Angi's radar is Lolla: The Story of Lollapalooza, a three part documentary coming to Paramount+ on May 21st. It will look over its 30 year run from the early days to what it is now. If you spy hard enough btw, you might see a drunk Marris in the background somewhere.
Don't Kill Angi Weekly Recap:
Mon: Angi wanted to make a venison dish
Choice: Chris had Angi decide to make venison tacos.
Result: After being informed that deer kill 440 people in the U.S. a year, Angi decided that she wanted to get back at them by making a meal of them. Obviously, she was not going to get into hunting because that involved effort and a high risk of her being killed so she instead got some from Meat Mart (a subsidy of Liquor Barn.) Angi took the packages of venison and got to work, slaving over the stove in an attempt to create a delightful meal for Marris, Prison Tattoo and HP. With everyone seated and the meat cooked to perfection, Angi created a massive plate of tacos and brought it to her guests. Though they were hesitant for a moment knowing how Angi felt about the kitchen, they dug in anyway knowing that if they didn't appease her, there would be issues. Surprisingly though, the tacos were actually really good and the deer feast went better than expected. Pleased with herself, Angi went to have a bite of her prepared dish when there was a knock at the door. Pivoting, she walked over and answered it only to be shocked to find a 12ft buck at it. The buck was furious that Angi had cooked and served its cousins and so it lifted its legs and began to pummel Angi with them. As the enraged beast stomped her into Angi hamburger, somewhere in the state the sign that said 440 flipped over to 441. (Dead)
Tue: Angi wanted to experience something she'd never done
Choice: Jim had Angi decide to try sobriety.
Result: It seemed like an impossible feat and Angi had to psyche herself out but she was finally going to try sobriety. Closing her eyes, she let calm wash over her and told herself that this was the first moment of her sober journey. All of this took five minutes before she realized that life was not living without booze. Angi reached into the iHeart prize drawer, pulled out a Rock 95.5 branded revolver and shot herself in the head. (Dead)
Wed: Angi wanted to get an amenity for the new Bears stadium
Choice: Erin had Angi decide to ask for an on site weed dispensary.
Result: Getting caught up in the air of excitement that was the Bears announcing how they were going to fleece the taxpayers of more money, Angi decided to use her press credentials to attend the new stadium announcement. With her media pass worn high between the sagging naturals, Angi entered the press area filled with scavengers looking for free food and scoops and awaited Bears management to take the stage. Once everything was underway, Angi waited until she was called upon which meant she was picked last over all the other hot girls there but she did get her point in. "Since we're paying for half of this new place, we deserve an on site weed dispensary!" she yelled with absolute glee. It seemed that everyone agreed with her because a roar ran through the crowd and for a brief moment, Angi was a hero. However, all the noise was short lived when suddenly a crypt keeper looking woman came barreling through the crowd in a Rascal scooter. It was Virgina McCaskey, known hater of all things fun and she was mad. Swinging her massive Vera Bradley handbag at everyone as she drove through the crowd, the old crone barreled her way toward Angi. Before she could move though, the scooter was upon her. It caused her to hit the ground and the combined weight of the spinning tires caused Angi's head to explode like one of Gallagher's watermelon's. (Dead)
Thur: Angi wanted to place Tommy Lee's wang on our rock Mount Rushmore
Choice: Kim had Angi decide to put the wang in the mouth of Mick Mars.
Result: After somehow being given permission to commission a massive Mötley Crüe head bust as part of our Rock and Roll Mount Rushmore, Angi felt compelled to add Tommy Lee's wang as part of the band because of its massive ... importance. Though it required some Gorilla Glue and extra time, Angi was able to successfully attach the wang to the mouth of Mick Mars. Proud of the work she had done, Angi prepared for the grand opening and unveiling of her work. With excitement built through all channels of rock to come see some literal rocks, Angi ended up having 75,000 come to see her masterwork. Once ready, Angi cut the massive red ribbon directly across from the rock formation and lifted the sheet to showcase what she had created. There were gasps and screams, some people even fainted, all in awe of what Angi had done. There were screams of joy, people weeping and it was so loud that the reverb of the crowd started bouncing off the walls. Unfortunately, the Gorilla Glue Angi used was off of Wish and so all the noise caused it to loosen. Before she could even react, the massive dong detached from Mick Mars' mouth and came flying down off the mountain, crushing Angi underneath it like a pancake. (Dead)
Fri: Angi wanted to buy the Rock 95.5 crew shots
Choice: Roger had Angi decide to order shots of Kahlúa.
Result: The big night had finally arrived, Stabbing Westward was playing the House of Blues and everyone from Rock 95.5 was heading to the show to cheer on Walt. Angi, Mother Teresa of Radio, decided to showcase how amazing she was by buying the entire crew shots. However, the liquor choices happened to be limited for some reason and so she polished off her comically large flask of brown liquor and brought everyone shots of Kahlúa. Even though she had tried to do the right thing for once, the Rock 95.5 crew was disgusted with her drink choice and simply weren't having it. In fact, Marris and Palmer both threw their shots on the floor while glaring at Angi, who missed the staredown because she was already lit up like a Christmas tree. Drunk from her own supply, Angi found herself compelled to go say hi to Walt. Making her way to the stage, Angi stumbled up on it as the band was tearing through "Shame" and started yelling toward Walt. "Hey, that's Walt, I know him!" she yelled, swaying back and forth. Unfortunately for Angi, Stabbing Westward was not only known as a major industrial band but also a group that loved to stab out of control people. Finishing the song and furious, the band dropped their instruments, pulled out their knives and stabbed Angi repeatedly until she tumbled off the stage and bled out on the floor. (Dead)
Request Wars 3.5
Theme: Songs from the Year Angi and Marris Graduated High School
Current Champion: Angi (3x)
Angi's Song Choice: “Symphony of Destruction" by Megadeth
Marris' Song Choice: "Bat Country" by Avenged Sevenfold
Winner: Angi
10 O' Clock Toast:
Toastee: Nerds
Angi is in absolute love with them and with C2E2 starting today, she can't help but even be more enamoured. After all, there will be tons of celebrities there like MJF, Hayden Panettiere, Freddie Prinze Jr. Sting, "that one chick from Stranger Things," Chad Michael Murray and Darren Criss, who once propositioned Angi for a threesome.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
"Do weiners fly out of that thing when you (Prison Tattoo) blow it?" - Angi
"If you run into Saggy Tits Taylor at the bar, run for your life!" - Minn Barb