Abe

Abe

Abe Kanan was born and raised on the south side of Chicago and grew up hanging out at Metro, Aragon, Riv, and all of Chicago’s music venues, checking...Full Bio

 

Dogs - ATS - 4.11.24

This is just a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting, funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast of today's show. However, if you're looking for a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.

Call in Point:

(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)

I sometimes don't even bother to open with nonsense about what day it is, how it's raining and that Angi is dying once again because I need to implore anyone reading this to listen to today's podcast. Well, here is that plea, go listen to the podcast because there was so much to unpack with today's show that I feel these notes are not going to do it justice (plus I'm going to spend a good portion clowning on things we discovered.) In a day that was so stacked like today, it's rare that the Daily Discussion Topic would take top billing but the subject matter was too good to pass up. It's National Pet Day and we got a smidge of facts after Angi made fun of Marris for naming his gecko Syphilis because it is the stupidest name ever (and names lead into the bulk of this topic.) As for pets, 2/3 of people have one pet with the most common being dogs, cats and fish. 90% of those people consider their fur babies part of the family and with that in mind, they also name them creatively. For example, last year the winner of the dog's name was Doc Pawliday and Spicy Beefpurrito for the cat. Before digging into the canned meat of the topic, Angi gave us the dog and cat finalist names for this year.

Dog Name Finalists: Boots with the Fur, ChugChug Pickles, Lil' Richard Simmons Sweatin' to the Oldies, Lord Waddles, Lulu the Conqueror, Molly from Corporate, Mr. Pizza Puff, One Love Tiny Dancer Princess Margaret Rose Windsor, Team "The Bandit" Player and The News. (My favorite: Boots with the Fur)

Cat Name Finalists: Balsamic Vin, Car Alarm, Itty Bitty Kitty Committee, Meownaise, Minerva Meowgonagall, Necronomicat, Samsung Family Hub Refrigerator, Skullcrusher, Steph Purrrry, Tony "Scarface" Baloney. (My favorite: Itty Bitty Kitty Committee)

That list read off gave way to Angi dragging her dogs, who she Instagrammed yesterday showcasing Jay the Straight coming home and parking on the street. One of the dogs instantly knew that he had arrived before he even parked and was excited and the other barked at him like he was an intruder. They also chew up the bed and when they go outside and Angi leaves the door open so they can come in, one of them will stare at the door confused. In other words, the dogs have taken after their owner and have alzheimers. As for Marris, his gecko Syphilis not only hates him but is also a lazy hunter. When he would put crickets into her cage for her to eat, she would just let them crawl on her and hang out. A cricket gang bang was not meant to occur and when they seemingly disappeared, it was only because they had hidden somewhere because upon opening the lid, they were just jumping out of the enclosure. Clearly, she is trying to starve herself to death to get charges brought against Marris because she hates him so much. Before hitting the Request Line, Angi mentioned a girl from traffic who got a covid cat and it was clearly not the right choice. With all this said, pets can be idiotic and so Angi wanted to know what made the roadies pets idiots. Sarah said her cat Zephyr keeps pooping in her shoes and she's not sure why. Angi seems to believe it's to keep her from leaving the house because she's clearly a pet psychic (refer to the things her dogs do.) Big Mike's dog waits until he finishes using the bathroom and as soon as he flushes, it wants to go out (sounds like a smart dog imo.) Eric's dog Tyson loves to drag his ass on the carpet after he comes in from going outside. Jordan's dog Johnny Cash rams his head into the door when he wants to come in the house. Jillian's cat Thor will jump into the plastic wrapped windows during the winter which in turn sends her flying. Angi added that her dogs will run into the screen on the screen door so she shouldn't feel too bad. Dorian has 4 dogs and her one dog Nacho will jump from recliner to recliner but when he falls through the crack, he just gives up and lives between them. He even has a blanket down there now for his inability to care anymore. If you are looking for more roadie thoughts or have your own, hit up our Facebook group (Angi Taylor Show) and drop us a comment.

Other Stuff from Today's Show:

As the secretary of the shower, keeper of all notes, knower of all secrets and person taped to write Angi's memoir eventually, it only makes sense that I have a running list of things that Angi hates. Even though she read the whole list on air, here is a quick refresher minus the two brand new additions added in the topic.

Things Angi Hates: theatrical rock bands, all the Gyllenhaals, space, sporadic breathing/weird breathing patterns, Facebook, pregnancy, running, black olives, loud chewing, crunching water bottles, Kind bar wrappers, being told to "calm down," slow internet, green texts, Smash Mouth, liars, rainbow colored Christmas lights, NYE, radio DJ's, Mighty Mighty Bosstones, The Cubs, Ratt, the smell of vanilla, incense, magicians, grocery shopping, inflatable outdoor decorations, unreleased tracks, moving, Taylor Swift, buffets, ice nuggets, cereal, puppets, one man bands, kangaroos, harmonicas, baby showers....

However, today found gender reveal parties and influencers being added to the overall list that will probably continue to grow (and might be missing two or three things over the last three and a half years.) Today though influencers and gender reveal parties made the board or to be more specific, influencers throwing gender reveal parties. We've all seen California burn to the ground and the two people who died in a plane crash due to a gender reveal but that did not stop Inga the influencer who went out into a field with tons of pink and blue balloons, had a trio of airplanes doing tricks and dropping blue smoke, confetti and explosions (overcompensate much, jeez.) Though the announcement has racked up 25 million views (idiots,) people are furious and leaving comments like "selfish," "wasteful" and "pompous arrogance." She responded that it was a beautiful and cozy celebration because clearly she can't comprehend that she is bringing a child into a world she is actively destroying. What we came to ask in discussing this though is why is this still a thing and more so, why do people care (most of us don't.) More so, why must we be forced to go to these stunt filled stupid events? Why can't it be a simple small party of playing cards, hanging out and having drinks? Instead, you get Angi's cousin hosting a car smoke exhaust pour out in the pouring rain that needed to be redone several times while her 90 year old grandma got soaked. Not everything needs to be a Michael Bay movie, simplicity is fine as well and furthermore, stop allowing influencers to be so powerful.

Next up, we are at that time in the week where Angi got on air, fired up the "Angel" music and revealed her newest ailment (I'm going to run out of space discussing them one day I swear.) This time though, we might have hit paydirt because there is something actually happening (and also, I now have something new to make fun of next time I'm doing body dragging.) Angi does not have cute feet, instead she has 9 1/2 ogre feet that are covered in bunions. Because she looks like the troll under the bridge down there, she got a bunionectomy to cut them off and surprise surprise, they grow back. When she did her feet, she had to have them both done at the same time because the pain is apparently so incredible, that if she did one she would not come back for the second. It seems that was the truth and it was also around that time she learned she was allergic to painkillers so the crutch walking and crawling to the bathroom was not for the faint of heart. Apparently though this bunionectomy left screws though and one of them is apparently poking out of her foot along with the return of the bunions to her hawaiian loaf with toes. Of course, this screw horror story spiraled into her thinking it will get into her bloodstream and kill her, etc yada yada and here we go again. Marris offered to take her to the doctor to figure it all out but she was more content about complaining about her heritage and her grandma with Fred Flintstone Volkswagen feet. Seriously, her feet are so big she wears cardboard with letter straps. In reality though, the true culprit in this crime is her Serbian heritage which suggested she be plowing the fields and not getting on the radio to cry about all her issues every morning.

Finally, Angi apparently saved someone's job yesterday but it was not under the guise of the Mother Teresa of Radio moniker she tends to wear often. You see, Angi went to get a sub sandwich at one of the 47 sub places inside the iHeart building. Marris attempted to guess but Angi did not want to die from a knife crime this morning so she did not give up the name. Anyway, Angi ordered a tuna sub and as she moved through the line, she ordered her fixings and got a regular. The problem was what arrived at the cashier was definitely an overstuffed monster and Angi got yelled at for it being a fatty and not a regular. It was then Angi locked eyes with the person who made it and Angi (assumed) noticed it was a trainee but more so, she picked up on the death dagger eyes because it was made wrong. She basically was given the eyeball equivalent of "snitches get stitches" and "if you tell, you're dead bitch." Angi knew she had said the right order and it was the girl from The Ring who was wrong but she did not fight it because she didn't want to get the (alleged) trainee in trouble. Regardless of it being the first day or 400th, this was a death stare and Angi was not dying yesterday. Marris, always the voice of reason, said he would have freaked out and not let it slide. It was here Angi added that the girl was holding a knife and she was not dying for a sandwich by the girl who penetrated her soul so hard, she was still feeling it this morning. Now that shop is officially on her banned list but at least she added another good deed in her attempt at sainthood.

Request Wars 3.5

Theme: Bands or Songs with Animals in the Title

Current Champion: Angi (3x)

Angi's Song Choice: “Barracudda" by Heart

Marris' Song Choice: "The Bad Touch" by Bloodhound Gang

Winner: Angi

10 O' Clock Toast:

Toastee: The Biggest Liar Ever

A man was recently stopped by cops for doing 107 mph in a 65 zone. His reason, he was rushing to do laundry. Angi called shenanigans on this because men never do laundry apparently and the cops sided with her, giving the guy a $500 ticket or a chance for 10 days in jail. Angi then meandered on to her drug muling days but who has time for that in an already packed set of notes?

Show Quotes and Tidbits:

"Anybody currently dating a Dune popcorn bucket? Let me know." - Angi


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